I hate those nights where sleep is no where to be seen, at least not deep sleep anyway. The point between midnight and twilight where dreams come and go, and you feel like you're awake but you cant control the path you take through the unknown. Last night was one of those nights.

2am woke me with a cold sweat and the horror of death on my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about what I saw and the ending that I couldn't change.

I often have these dreams of drowning, but lately they've evolved and included my children. It always seems to be the same concept. We're trapped in a car and cant get out, or I can get out but I can't save my children. Last night in my dream my older son fell into a rushing river and I dove in to save him even though I'm not a strong swimmer. The dream never really ended with either of us drowning, but I still had that feeling of complete despair and hopelessness.  

The only way I could let it go was to get it off my chest and write it down. So if you're not to squeamish, continue to read about what I saw in my dream. I added a good ending though, the way I would have wanted it to end in my head.

The fear of drowning

I watched him, my son, playing with a ball in the yard. He was laughing with a huge grin on his face. I laughed along with him. His foot contacted with the ball, a great kick for a four year old. The ball flew up in the air and then bounced on the ground. I watched the red ball for what seemed like minutes as it took its trip toward the cliff, when it was only seconds. There was no time to react, but I tried.
The ball disappeared over the edge, then so did my son. His blond hair the last thing I saw before I sprang from my seat.
I screamed for him, even though I knew he had either landed on the rocks below or in the raging water of the river. There was no stopping me, not even my own need to preserve my own life. I jumped.
Air rushed up around me as I dropped from the cliff and into the freezing cold waters below. My whole body was immersed in the cold liquid. I kicked and clawed my way to the surface, panicking because I wasn’t a good swimmer. But those thoughts quickly left my mind when I laid eyes on my son, struggling to stay afloat only ten feet away.
Swim, I told myself. Swim to save your son. Closer and closer inch by painful inch I pushed my body to move. I reached my hand toward my boy and begged him to take it, but he slipped under the water in a flash.
I dove, searching for his body, for something to pull to the surface. There was only a single thought in my mind and I said it over and over again to myself. Save him. The murky water hindered me from seeing anything. He wasn’t there, he wasn’t anywhere. Then my hand brushed something warm, something solid. Human flesh and it grasped my arm back.
I pulled with all my might and held my boy to my body as we ascended toward the surface. Our faces broke through the water as we gasped for air. We were together. He was in my arms and I would never let him go, but the elation I felt quickly melted away because I knew we were still in danger.
The rapids rushed around us, attempting to pull us under. I wouldn’t let it. My will to save my son was too strong. It would have to try harder than that. The cold was the next force to try and take us. It seeped into my bones and locked up my joints.
I flipped to my back and placed my son on my chest to keep him from the water as much as possible. My legs kicked as hard as they could, pushing us toward the shore. The weak sobs of my terrified son only fueled my need to escape this watery grave more.
I don’t know how long we were in the water, or how far we had traveled down river, but when I felt the bump of a rock on my back I began to cry with joy. My son, who was weak, lay on my chest, cold but alive. He smiled weakly up at me. I pulled him from the water and held him in my arms to warm him. His lips were blue and I’m sure mine were too.
The time passed quickly, as we sat there on the bank watching the river rush past, angry that it didn’t claim us. There were people shouting nearby and soon a blanket was around my shoulders. Before I stood to leave this forsaken place a rock flew from my hands into the white rush. “Not today river, not today.”

Vacation - Day 7

Keep Portland weird, that's what I always say. It didn't surprise me when we ran into this odd display on our drive yesterday. I'm pretty sure this was a group of women doing this too. Even more odd, but no worse then normal around here. My boys got a kick out of the fighting Rainier beer bottles as well.

The whole purpose for our drive was to get my younger son Ronan to take a nap, which for the last few days has been almost non existent. I guess he's been mommy deprived and since I'm home on vacation this week he wont sleep so he can spend as much time with me as possible. At least that's the way I look at it. He's just so cute!

Ronan finally fell asleep and took a nice long nap, so that's when I got out the razor and buzzed my older son Phoenix's head. He got a nice summer cut so his hair wouldn't stick to his forehead when he sweated. I always complained about that, now he likes his hair.

This is his surprised look. He looks like his Daddy now. What a handsome young man. Check out the rest of my pictures from yesterday.

I can't believe how fast this week has gone by, but it has been the best week ever. I got to spend it with my boys. 

Vacation - Day 5

After spending the last 5 days sitting in my favorite spot on the swing outside in the shade and watching my little monsters run and play in the yard, I've come to realize what I've been missing while I'm at work. The pure bliss of being a stay at home mom.

I love my boys very much. They are the light of my life and keep me on my toes. It makes me sad when one of them falls off the front step and uses his face to cushion his fall. Poor little guy, it looks a lot worse today now that it's scabbed over, but he didn't cry very long and was a good sport about letting me clean it and put some anti-biotic cream on. He was back running around a few minutes later.

In the afternoon we went to the zoo with my mom and a few of my siblings. We haven't been to the zoo since my youngest was a few days old, so that would be a few weeks shy of two years. So much has changed yet so much is the same from when I worked there as a teen. Being there brought back so many memories.

The goat barn with its rank smell and the goat poo that looked like coco pebbles that you had to remind the kids not to eat. The Kongo station that no one visited so we played mancala all afternoon. The hidden trail behind the zebra enclosure that was a short cut to the top of the park. Oh so many times we got in trouble. Those were the days.

Now I get to take my family to the zoo and share all the exciting sights with them. Check out some of these photos from our trip.

Vacation - day 3

 I can't believe its day 3 of my vacation. The sun was shinning the sky was blue and the boys were... well... boys. We had the sprinkler going i the front yard where most of the grass was dead and so, as you could imagine, mud was created.

I thought, "what the heck, I'm on vacation," and let the pandemonium ensue! Guess what we had? One very muddy Ronan.

Check out the pictures below of the dirty boys.  

Vacation - day 2

I love the sun and wow did it shine on Sunday! We spent so much time out side I was sad when the sun went down.

The boys and I spent the morning in the yard catching the rays and then in the after noon I had a photo shoot with the beautiful young Ashley. These are some of her senior photos. Gratz Ashley!

Happy birthday to my husband

Its one of my favorite days of the year, My husband Jason's birthday. Do you know why I love it so much? Here it is. I get to play awesome videos like this one. Check it out!

Vacation - Day 1

I have to say that the first day of my vacation didn't turn out quit the way I planed. In fact it down right sucked, but hey what you gonna do?
My husband Jason and I were going to go on a hike, along the way we stopped at the Bonneville Dam and saw the biggest fish I've ever seen. Sturgeon baby! I have to say this was probably the highlight of my day. 

Check out how big this thing is. Anywho, the plan was to go on a hike to punchbowl  falls just east of there, but it cost $5 just to park and there were so many people already that we turned around and went back to Portland.

Saw the bridge of the gods. Kinda disappointing, I was hopping for a little more pizzazz, but what do you expect in Cascade Locks? Not much there anyway. 
It was a good thing we didn't go on a hike after all because I came home running a fever and was really out of it for the rest of the after noon. My husband thought it would be a good idea to give my Tylenol cold and a 5 hour energy so I would be able to stay up and watch the super moon. Felt weird! But it worked. I was able to capture this awesome photo. I guess this really was the highlight of my day, not that stupid fish. 

Hopefully today will be better.

Shiver - Book review

I was looking for a book one day when I had read everything I owned that I thought was worth reading. I wanted something that was easy and kinda like Twilight since I almost enjoyed those books. I went to trusty and searched for Twilight and it said, "Other people who bought Twilight also bought these."

The cover for Shiver intrigued me, especially the part about the "Wolves are calling." It was a nice creepy touch. Made me want to read the reviews at least.

I was told that if you liked Twilight you would like these books. They are about a forbidden romance and werewolves that have a dark secret. Alright, you got me. I purchased the book from because it was really cheep. Funny fact about the copy I received. It's from Briton and all the temperatures are in celsius and they say funny words like "car port," instead of "parking lot." Gave me a little insight into another world. Fascinating.

When my book finally arrived, I was so excited to read it, but that quickly changed when I realized that all the one page chapters switched back and forth between in a confusing narrative between the two main characters. If you didn't read the chapter heading, which I don't usually because they give too much away in my opinion, then you would get completely lost as to who's thoughts you were diving into. I wasn't too keen on that part.

I pressed on with the hope that I would be impressed. My hopes were dashed when chapter after chapter went by and nothing happened, not even a glimpse of a plot line emerges. It wasn't until about chapter 40 and three quarters of the way through the book were gone when something interesting finally happened, but then it was over by the end of the chapter.

The whole book was pretty much taken up by what teenagers think romance is. I guess the next step is to let my teenage sister read the book and give her opinion. She likes this kind of stuff.

You're probably asking yourself, "If you didn't like the book Sara, then why did you keep reading?"
I have several answers for you that I will share,

  1. I spent money on the book, I didn't want it to be a waste.
  2. I had nothing better to read at the time.
  3. If I hadn't read the whole thing, I would know how much I wouldn't have been missing.
  4. Who would have given you this book report?
  5. And last but not least, hope. A hope that there is a decent author out there with an interesting story to read.
I guess what I got out of all this is, if you like teens going to school and being all mushy and then going home and being all mushy and they falling asleep and being all mushy, then you would love the first fifty or so chapters. If you manage to hang in there till the end, the last few aren't so bad, but why did it take so long to get there? Have fun reading!

If you liked this book try these other ones in the series.

Almighty Super Moon!

SUPER MOON! I was supper excited to catch this awesome image since it was my first time trying to capture a night time shot.

The moon was soooo big and bright. I was a little sad that it decided to rise behind a tree and then sneak behind the clouds. It peaked out for a few seconds, but it was still behind a tree. So I made my husband drag me and the sleeping kids to Rocky Butte which is near our house. It was really crowded, but I knew just the right spot and no one thought of it before me.

Anyone else capture a photo of the super moon tonight? Feel free to email me your photos and I'll post them in a post for everyone to see. :) 

I am a Banana

I thought I would share with all of you one of the most funny things I have ever seen.

It's gonna be may

If you grew up in the 90's like I did then you might be able to appreciate the humor in this picture.

Happy May Day Everyone!