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Macaroni | Kelly and Cauliflower Chapter 1

Kelly and Cauliflower

Chapter One


The pineapple smelled amazing. To bad it wasn't in season and the price was horrendous. Kelly might have purchased it if she wasn't picking up extra groceries that Cauliflower said she was going to buy but didn't. The pineapple would have to wait, disappointing as it was.  

One more isle to go. The toilet paper was calling. That soft sheet of paper, used to clean ones self after a morning poop. Strangely enough, it was absent from the bathroom counter that morning and upon frantic searching, Kelly had found two half-used rolls hidden in the bottom drawer of the cabinet next to the toilet. Apparently, Cauliflower thought she needed to horde the toilet paper, since it was her turn to purchase more and she didn't.

After Kelly threw a large pack of the Charmen Ultra Strong into her cart with more force than was necessary due to her bad mood, she headed to the checkout to pay for her weeks worth of groceries before heading home.

The drive from the grocery store to the house that Kelly shared with Cauliflower, Dave and Randolph was short, but traffic in that part of town seemed to bottle neck just before Kelly's turn off to her road. The street was one steep hill, and the house was at the bottom. Kelly stopped the car at the peak, looking down upon the road below and let her mind wander. John Meyer played a melancholy song in the background, putting her in a subdued mood. 

It was better this way. If Kelly went inside the house in a full on rage, someone would end up without a limb and Kelly didn't want to spend time in jail. Plus, poor Dave would be left to his own devices inside a house full of crazies, since Randolph wasn't exactly of sound mind either, but at least he could hold down a job. 

The car slowly crept down the hill, giving Kelly time to contemplate stopping. She could pass on by, keep going and never come back, but that wouldn't be the adult thing to do. Plus, all her stuff was there and Dave would never forgive her for disappearing.    

Reluctantly, Kelly pulled her car into the driveway and started hauling the groceries in. Cauliflower was sitting on the couch staring at the TV that was off. She didn't move or make any indication that she was going to help carry in the bags from the store. Typical.

When the last can of corn was placed on the shelf, Kelly's stomach rumbled, calling for the left over chicken and macaroni that Kelley had been saving from dinner the night before. Macaroni just happened to be Kelly's favorite comfort food, and right now, with all the crap Cauliflower had been pulling, she really needed something comforting to sooth the savage beast inside. 

The all familiar creek of the fridge filled the air as Kelly opened the door, letting out a cool breeze and the smell of left over onion that had been left uncovered on the top shelf for several days. 

Where was it? Kelly searched for the black plastic container that indicated her macaroni. There was a similar sized container, but upon further inspection, it was Dave's coleslaw, half eaten and sitting in a base of white liquid. That wasn't it. Kelly moved more and more containers and packages, searching frantically for the perfect creamy macaroni. No, this can't be. Where is it? 

Kelly stopped as he fists balled. She didn't? She wouldn't? How many times have I told Cauliflower that if its not her's don't touch it. Don't touch my makeup, don't touch my clothes, don't touch my food. It's not a hard concept, but somehow it was for Cauliflower.

Speaking of the devil. The party in question sauntered out of the bathroom with her shirt tucked into her under ware and the left side of her hair matted to her head. She yawned. "Good morning."

Kelly was in no mood for niceties. "Did you eat my macaroni?"

Cauliflower nodded. "Yep, it was delicious."

"That was mine." Kelly's voice was beginning to shake from frustration. "I was going to eat it."

Cauliflower started to pour a cup of coffee from the pot, but it was empty. Another staple that it was her turn to buy and she had mysteriously forgotten to. "I really wanted to eat it. It was calling to me."

"I don't care if it grows legs and crawls into your hand. Stop touching my stuff." Kelly's arms were crossed as she laid down the law for the umpteenth time. 

Cauliflower seemed to ignore her roommate and left the kitchen with a k-cup of espresso in hand and the box under her arm. This was going nowhere, as usual.

This was the last straw. Kelly found a pen and a pad of sticky notes and began labeling everything in the fridge that was her's with a note that said, "Don't eat," Even the individually sealed cups of ranch from the KFC. Feeling accomplished, Kelly moved on to the laundry room to label her laundry soap.

A few minutes later, when Kelly was nearly done labeling the first floor, Cauliflower wandered by on her way to the back deck for a smoke with a full container of cottage cheese in her hands. 

"Is that my cottage cheese?" Kelly groaned.

"Yeah," said Cauliflower. "My stomach said cottage cheese and I was like, Ok."

Cauliflower left the room without another word or any expression of feeling guilty. Something had to be done about Cauliflower....


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