Query critique and first 250 words
Here is what I have of a query and first 250 words on a new MS that I am working on. I would love some critiques on them.
Code name: Hunter. Occupation: Telepathic bounty hunter for Talon, Aka the Telepathic
of Latent or Non-manifested.
At the age of sixteen, Hunter is one of the best at her job. That is why she is selected to go on a very important mission to take down a ruthless criminal named Seeker. The only problem is, he has managed to hide himself very well, but that’s Hunters specialty. She is able to find the trail left behind in someone’s mind.
While Hunter and her partner are out scouring the minds from Seeker’s past something goes wrong. They’re being followed. Convinced that their mission has been compromised, Hunter’s partner turns on her. He believes that she has turned against him and cannot be trusted.
Just as Hunter’s partner prepares to pull the trigger and end her life, Seeker saves her. Turns out he works for a secret government agency called the PIT – the Psychic Intelligence Team. They have a plan to take down Talon and save her life, but first she needed to give up any information she has about their operation.
Faced with a life or death situation, Hunter chooses life and sides with the PIT. One last mission. One that will turn her world up side down. The only problem is, someone won’t survive.
HUNTER, a YA urban fantasy is a work in process. It's a stand alone novel with series potential.
FIRST 250 WORDS:
The city streets of
held my prey. The normal people. I laughed. They had
no idea I was in their heads. Portland
My partner spoke in my ear through the com link. “Hunter, stop being such a girl and locate the mark.
Although the world moved around me, a stillness flowed through my mind letting it open up to the people that passed. The flow of their voices and the chaotic thoughts made it hard to distinguish one person from the next. I had learned to control it a long time ago. Learned to find what I was looking for.
The mellow grays of the city streets set a dull surrounding, one that gave off a sad vibe. The warm yellows of the sun would never show itself here.
what a joke. I wished we hadn’t taken this assignment.
I hated big cities. There were too many people, too many voices rolling around in my head. My eyes closed, focused on the thoughts around me again. It was easier to concentrate if I didn’t have to battle with my sight.
My mind tried to pull one person at a time from the crowd, scanning their inner monologue for the information I needed, but it was proving to be difficult. Come on, where were they.
I wandered further even though the mass amount of voices in my head was getting to me. The all familiar ache was starting to seep into the spot between my eyes.
Then I heard her. I heard Kathy, the mark.