Sunday, December 25, 2016

Crazy Eight: The King of Havarti

It was brought to my attention a while ago that I have the best stories and I should put all of them in a book so others can enjoy my tales of craziness. While, I don't have time to sit down and write a book, I thought I would compile some of these stories here for your amusement and maybe one day turn them into a book. Please enjoy this first installment of Crazy Eight.

I really don't know what I was thinking. I mean, going to the store on Christmas Eve-eve is never a good idea, but in my hazy, head cold medicated mind it seemed like a great thing to do. Slip in, get some cold medicine, slip out. Half hour tops, right? WRONG.

My first mistake was entering the parking lot. The store has a large lot where oogles of cars can rest while their stressed out owners wander the isles trying to find that one bag of barely they seem to need, but wont actually use until who knows when, (I actually needed that barley for soup, but someone bought the whole store out. Thanks a lot.) We, and when I say we, I mean my sick out of his mind husband who had just scarfed down a fish taco and wasn't sure if it was going to stay down or not, parked the car behind the Bi-Mart several leagues away. If any of you reading this know that parking lot, you will know that no one ever parks there, but we parked and hiked in.

It took us several pain staking minutes to weave our way through the parking lot where we were almost run over by a snobby woman in her over-sized SUV that couldn't even see over the dashboard, and backed into by a man who wasn't even looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was behind him.

After almost dying several times in a matter of minutes, my husband and I B-lined for the fancy cheese display (My favorite place in the world) to search out the list of complicated side items my mother-in-law requested. We took on this task as a treasure hunt, hoping that we wouldn't have to ask google too many times what something was...

We circled the cheese display like animals on the hunt, looking for that special cheese for Christmas dinner. The area was crowded since it was right next to the deli where people seemed to be picking up loads of deli roast beef. People need the strangest things for Christmas dinner.

"What did my mom want again?" Asked my husband as he picked up a small packet of cheese labeled Picante Provolone.

I consulted my phone. "She wanted something called Havarti."

You would think being a cheese lover, I would know every kind of cheese in the world, but I don't... Ask me about Cheddar or Swiss and I'll tell you all about them, but anything beyond that is beyond me.

"What the heck is Havarti?" The look on my husband's face I'm sure matched mine as one of perplexity and confusion.

I shrugged.

"Did someone say, Havarti?" A man with large, thick rimmed glasses and his polo shirt tucked into his high water khaki pants glanced over his shoulder awkwardly. The smile on his face was quite stalker-esk.

My husband smiled at him. "Um... Yes... I'm looking for Havarti."

"Well, sir. Would you like to try a sample of the Dill Havarti? Its on sale right now for only $5.99, but we also carry the regular Havarti that is still just as good." The man hands us both a small speck of pale cheese on a toothpick.

Now, I'm not much of a dill fan, but I was afraid that the store employee might offer me another kind of cheese that I didn't want to eat, so I smiled and stuffed the Havarti in my mouth. To my surprise, it wasn't bad. It had a creamy texture and the dill wasn't overpowering.

"Now..." Started Mr. High Waters. "I have some other options if you like the Havarti..."

"Nope. The Havarti is great." I gave my husband a look that I hoped would be translated into grab the cheese and lets get out of here.

An hour and a half later, my husband and I were out the door with cold medicine, regular Havarti cheese and drinks for Christmas. What should have been a quick trip into the store, turned into an epic saga in the land of the Havarti King. Here's to all the cheese connoisseurs out there. Cheers!

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