Monday, February 15, 2016

Son of a Pitch critique round


Hey everyone, this is the entry I am going to submit to Son of a Pitch on Friday. I would love any feedback that you can give me. Thanks,

Title: HUNTER
Age and Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
Word Count: 55,000

Query:
When sixteen year old Hunter’s growing telepathic ability gets her on the FBI’s radar, her partner puts a gun to her head. He wants to silence the secrets of their agency that are locked in her mind. Fortunately for her, it’s not her time to die.

Surviving means making an unlikely friend with an FBI agent named Seeker. He’s the same agent that caused her partner to turn on her in the first place and he has a mission of his own. Bring Hunter back to the PIT alive to face judgment for the multitude of murders she’s had a part of.

After nearly escaping the PIT with a rogue telepath and having her thoughts pilfered for information against her will, Hunter learns that if she wants to clear her name, she must put her life on the line to bring down Talon, the agency she used to work for.

With each passing hour becoming more perilous, Hunter must decide who to trust before her next mission becomes her last. 

First 250 Words:
Seattle, Washington was a dreary place where the sun didn’t shine and the rain came and went like waves on the shore. It wasn’t an ideal place for a type one telepath, a mind reader, but it was where the bounty had brought me. I was searching for a mark that was proving to be a pain in my ass. It had been three weeks since we had taken the job and today was the closest we had been to finding her, to finding Dawn Miles.
            My heart skipped a beat when the com in my ear buzzed. “Hunter, we’re running out of time. You know what happens if someone else gets to Miles before we do. All this work would be for nothing.”
            In the bounty hunter line of work, you never knew who else was out there searching for the same prize, especially when one paid as well as this did. I exhaled and tried to calm my nerves. This one wasn’t going to get away.
            “I’m trying. There are a lot of minds to sift through.” I spoke quietly to my partner Bear, trying not to look like a crazy person. My mind was lost in the sea of people, drifting through their inner monologues, almost losing myself in their stories. Sweat dripped from my temples as I pulled myself from almost passing out.
            “Come on, doll. You got this. Get the job done and we can go home and you can sleep as much as you want. 

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