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New Query and first 300 words

Why can't I ever be happy with anything I've written? It has taken me two and a half hours to rewrite my query letter and add another 300 words to the beginning of my manuscript. It shouldn't take me that long, but every time I wrote something, it didn't seem right. I think I might have something now, but I could use some critique.

Here goes nothing...



Query for LEGACY OF ICE AND FIRE

She couldn't remember. The deafening emptiness that came when ever she tried to recall her past dug holes in her brain. Who was she? The nightmares that surfaced most nights told her that she was left to die in the cold as a young child, but that’s all they could tell her. Maybe that’s why she could feel the ice pumping through her veins. But there was something new, a magic that tingled in her finger tips, it was strange. Maybe that’s why they all wanted her.
Tabor is the last known soul of an ancient race, found in the mountains by a monk from the nearby monastery. He is an old man and wants nothing to do with her magic, but he knows what she is and knows about the prophecies written about the dark haired Artican. He must keep her safe, but at what cost?
            On Tabor’s nineteenth birthday, the only other man who knows what she really is comes for her. She is forced to run for her life leaving the monastery and the monk behind.
            The only way for Tabor to save herself and the world around her is to find her people, if they still exist. Can she hold her power together long enough to find them, or will the betrayal of those she has come to trust force her world to come crashing down on her? 

Chapter 1
           
            It was cold. The chill touched my soft cheeks and bit at my nose. Momma was screaming nearby, calling to me. Where was she? I cried, letting the warm tears run down my face. I cried to her without words, only because I didn’t know any. Momma? Her screaming had stopped. They all had.
            The silence that came was deafening but calming in an odd sense. I was the only thing making sound with my crying now. The heat from my tears helped warm my skin but it wasn’t enough. I still shivered from the cold, or was it fear? I was too young to know the difference. Where was Momma? My hands reached for her but all they found was the cold white snow around me. Where was she? Why didn’t she come?
            I woke with sweat running down my face. A cold draft blew over me from the open window as I tried to make sense of the nightmare that haunted me. It was always the same. I could hear her. I could hear all of them, but the only thing I could see was the white snow falling around me. The eerie sounds of their long lost voices played over and over in my head. I ran my hands through my sweat soaked hair. Make them stop!
            My thoughts were interrupted by the bell in the tower. I dreaded that sound. It meant that I would have to live one more day without knowing who I was or where I came from. I guess it was better than the nightmares I faced when I slept, but I didn’t know how much better it was.
As the bell chimed again calling to me to get out of bed, I remembered what this day meant. It was my nineteenth birthday and by evening meal I would be married.

Check out my previous Query and first 250 words here.


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